In Which Liza Has Very Many Assorted Adventures
by Aya-of-the-night
Summary: In which Liza records her daring escapades concerning Lucy, the giant no-longer-fuzzy-monster who is less than two feet in height.    Any mentions of something I don't own...I don't own :  Read away, my pretties!


_Crunch. _

Her first step. Today was the day.

_Crunch. _

Today was the day Lady Liza of Hillyndale was embarking on a journey. A very epic journey that would take her through many lands, ridiculously difficult passes, and deep into enemy territory. She shouldered her limited edition purple lightsaber with the super special secret power and shifted her awe-inspiring-sharp-and-pointy-all-the-time-guaranteed pencil.

_Crunch._

She was ready.

Lady Liza heard trumpets blaring behind her with uplifting melodies from Phantom of the Opera, and she lifted a hand in farewell. The entire population of Hillyndale had accompanied her to this point, the point where her kingdom ended and the Pass to Lynwood began. She stared at the sinister, looming crevice in Mount Om Nom Nom – the place that no one had ever come out of alive, the place where an unknown species captured you and consumed you. Om Nom Nom indeed. (Although how this was widely known if no one had ever come out alive, well, the world may never know.)

Liza broke into a trot – or what consisted of a trot in thigh high snow – and the clamor her people slowly faded away, leaving a lonely, spine chilling silence.

Liza looked around warily. Five days, twenty five thousand seconds, six hundred minutes (or 5.43 Days) ago, her wonderful kingdom had been invaded by Lynwoodians, but they had taken nothing but her pet dragon, Lucy. This was most likely just to infuriate her. Oh well, she was off to save her now, and –

"HOLY CRAP! YOU DUCKING GLASS MOLE, I'LL _SHOW_ YOU WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH _ME_!"

Someone had tackled her, or rather, many someone's. She couldn't just let them get away with it, now could she?

She was hacking and slashing and chopping and stabbing with her special lightsaber and her extra pointy pencil; She was whipping them through the air like _whoosh, whoosh_ and screaming, "HOW D'YA LIKE ME NOW, YOU DEMONS, YOU!"

Once the red had cleared from her vision, Liza straightened up and crossed her arms, panting as she perused the havoc she had caused.

She giggled. She was surrounded by tiny, filthy little trolls with tusks much too big for their faces. The brown and rotting tusks jutted out so far that they reached behind the ears and all the way back to the base. They looked like the result of a potato and a walrus getting down and dirty with their lumpy, diminutive cerulean frames. The little trolls had fish-eyes that bugged out so far they looking in danger of falling out of their sockets and elephant ears that probably couldn't hear worth the bowel movement of a bird – if you went off the fact that when Liza was busy massacring them, the ones that were bored by the fight ignored it until their sudden and untimely death. Shock looked very funny on their cold, dead, deceased, blue faces.

Liza began kicking the trolls out of her way. She knew what they were now – they were Mountain trolls, and they were so ugly, that when you saw them, you died laughing.

She trudged onwards, shoving, heaving, and thrusting her way until she suddenly broke through the layer of snow and darkness enveloping her and into bright, open sunshine.

Liza didn't waste time prancing around or thinking about what to do. Nope, all she had to do was charge up the invisibility feature on her lightsaber and she was good to go. She ran and ran (not realizing that in doing so she was kicking up innumerable amounts of snow and was therefore indeed visible), until, _until, _she finally, at long last, reached the stronghold of Lynwood, the Castle of Thomp!

As Liza reached the entryway, Lucy's indigent roars suddenly shook the castle like the hand of God had smashed into the ground, enraged by this impudent intruder. Liza winced. Oops. She'd forgotten that Lucy knew her and tended to RAWR at her every time they were together…

Liza sprinted inside, knowing that Lucy would be just around the corner –

"Le gasp!" Gasped Liza, for her wonderful, armored little dragon – she had molted! She looked like a newborn, shiny and pink and small. Liza's shock made her movements slow, and the Lynwoodian royal guard came bursting into the room, bristling with spears and various other pointy objects that could in someway become painful.

"Nice effort, Hillyndaler, but you failed. You may attempt again tomorrow if you so please," Said an official looking guard.

An even more official looking guard stepped up. "Go, now, and bring this invitation for the Kings' Birthday par-tay back to your kingdom."

The rest of the company stood in front of the whining dragon, blocking any attempts Liza might make of getting back her sweet baby retile creature. And even so, our virtuous heroine charged toward them, screaming – but alas, it was all for nothing as the two guards who had spoken each grabbed an arm and heaved her out into the snow.

It was a comical sight for the guards to see her blond head poking up out of the impeccable carpet of white, although not so much for her. She glanced around, confused at how she had gotten there, and reached up to brush snow from her long locks.

"Try again tomorrow, sucker!" One guard screamed. Then the gates of Thomp slammed shut.

Liza spit snow onto the cold stone of the door.

She trudged back home with a heavy heart, and discovered that when feet were encased in large blocks of ice for long enough (Those had formed when she had stepped on an ice fairy and cheesed it off enough that it had cursed her with footsicle) they did indeed smell like a lady Mountain Troll to the single surviving one she had left, so Liza got some small joy from stabbing it to death with her pencil. Her dull, unpointy, disappointing, lying pencil.

And here ends a true story (With, perhaps, a few lines that ended up blurred) about one girl's journey to save her dragon and how she failed epically.

A/N: K, so that actually is a true story! :D

…..Well, sorta.

I walk a dog named Lucy, and we had lot of snow (It was up to mah knees! And I'm six feet tall!) Oh, and when I got to their house, they had shaved Lucy! SHAVED! :( Now I can no longer call her my big fuzzy monster… /3 So I didn't walk her the whole way because she started to shiver. Then I went to go put their mail in the mailbox :)

At the risk of sounding desperate, reviews make mah heart SING!~+~+~ :D But you don't have to if you don't want to. Also, virtual cookies for whoever can figure out the lyric I used from RENT!

Buh-bye!


End file.
